In Need of a Good Book

Any recommendations for good summer reading? To get an idea of my interests, I recently read Gone Girl (just ok, all characters were so deplorable that I thought they all deserved each other), Water for Elephants (ok), What Alice Forgot (loved it), Inferno (pretty good, typical Dan Brown), and The Shining Girls (too scattered and poor story development, IMO). One of my favorite authors ever was Michael Crichton. I also liked The Help and some of Steve Martin's novels, especially The Pleasure of My Own Company. That's a random assortment I know, but maybe it'll help generate ideas.

Thanks!

The Wild Side

Of mountain living that is. In the short period of time since we've lived in the foothills, we have seen quite a variety of wildlife. Just three days after moving I saw my first bear. That surprised me because we had friends that lived here for 3 years and never saw one. A couple of weeks ago, I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep when I heard what sounded like my dog scratching at paper. I got up to investigate, and instead found a mama bear and her cub scaling the tree outside our bedroom window. So now I've seen three!

It's hard to make out, but those are her glowing eyes in the middle. The cub's eyes can be seen near the top. One of them at least.

We have also seen countless deer, and the wildflowers on our property more than make up for the fact that I suck at keeping planted flowers alive and well. I don't even try anymore.

A sampling of our many wildflowers

One animal I had not yet seen though was an elk. They are pretty common around this area, but so far none on our property. Yesterday Gilbert was whining to go out on the deck. I decided to bring him downstairs to let him out into the yard instead. But when I got to the door, I saw out of the corner of my eye the biggest rack of antlers. I quickly realized that it was an elk. Finally! I ran upstairs and grabbed my camera and brought Noah onto the deck to watch. He was content to munch grass while we oohed and aahed. Such a majestic creature! Noah made the moment pretty funny by commenting, "That elk is so horny!" Yes, he has big antlers. :)

Oh, hello.

And because I'm silly and hopeful, I looked up the Native American beliefs about elk. They represent love, strength, and stamina. Sending all of that and more to you, my little embryo! Surely the elk showed up to bestow all of that, right?

Frustrated

Forgive me, but I need to vent. During my last FET, Noah came down with a fever and cold the day of transfer. Inevitably I also got sick. Not what you want for your two week wait. And he got sick because a friend invited us over while her daughter's nose dripped like a faucet. Gee, thanks. Trying to get pregnant isn't important to me or anything. Well, over the weekend I hung out with the same friend again, and her daughter woke up from her nap feeling hot. She insisted she was fine two days later when she invited me back over. And then Monday morning I got a text that her son is now sick too, with fever and barfing. I am so annoyed. Both with her and with myself. I should have known. I should have listened to the nagging fear that we'll get sick again this two week wait. I should have known that her kids are always sick with something. And if that sounds insensitive, I guess I kind of agree. But I'm just so pissed I don't even care. Because Noah woke up with a fever this morning and is miserable. And now my friend is also sick, so this doesn't appear to be one of those little kid viruses that adults seem to dodge. Dammit.

The good news? Our transfer went smoothly yesterday. Perfect uterine lining. No sticky embryo trying to avoid my uterus on first try. No embryos that didn't survive the thaw. Just this little guy who I'm pinning all my hopes and dreams on. Because as much as I love my remaining six frosties, I pray that I won't need to meet any of them any time soon.

Acupunture, Tongue Reading, and Superstitions

Yesterday was my acupuncture appointment. It was fine, but I'm a bit of a skeptic. It's hard to believe that 20ish needles (not containing drugs) poked into my skin can really do anything to help me get pregnant, but I've heard plenty of stories of people who swear it helped them finally succeed. In fact, while I was getting my haircut yesterday the stylist told me about a friend of hers who suffered countless miscarriages and after acupuncture she's now 30 weeks. So who knows. It can't hurt right? I'll be doing it again the day of transfer, and since it was cheaper than I expected, I might do it again before my first beta. We'll see if I feel like driving all the way there. The only other interesting thing about the acupuncturist involved a tongue reading. She asked me to stick it out, made a couple "hmm" noises, and then asked if I have any sleeping or anxiety disorders. I told her that I'm a pretty anxious person, and she said it shows in the shape and color of my tongue. The tip is pointy and red, and the rest is rounder and pinker. Umm, okay. (Ok friends, now go check your tongues.) Anybody else ever have someone read your tongue?

In other news, Brian surprised me today by getting all superstitious. The extra room upstairs is currently full of boxes we haven't unpacked yet. Well, this morning I found him in the living room sorting through a bunch of junk. When I asked him what he was doing, he said he was clearing out the "baby's room." Apparently he thinks it's bad luck to leave it as a storage space when we do our transfer. Aww. And here I thought if the sole decision was up to him, Noah would be an only child. He's so cute! I don't want to jinx anything, but both of us feel a lot more positive about this particular FET. I hope we're right!

I'm A Believer!

In May 2012 I was gearing up for our first FET. I was given an ultrasound where they examined the blood flow to my uterus. The sonographer was impressed by how great everything looked and commented that my lack of caffeine consumption probably supports my fantastic blood flow. During my last FET in March, my lining didn't look great. It was thick, but not multilayered. Dr. A said it was probably a blood flow issue. I wasn't convinced since my previous clinic told me the opposite. Dr. A suggested pentoxifylline for this cycle to see if it would help me create a triple stripe lining. I was very skeptical that this would do anything. Actually, I was worried that the increase in blood flow would make my lining too thick, so I only took half the dose I was prescribed. Well, today I am a believer! At my lining check today not only was I not too thick (11.6mm), but I had the elusive triple stripe! They were so pleased with how everything looked that they decided to bump my transfer from Thursday to Tuesday. Tonight I triggered, so we are just 5 days from meeting our little blastocyst! The appointment left me feeling really hopeful for this cycle. It wasn't without a little difficulty though. When I arrived, I heard a little girl coming out of the office with her dad. She was asking if she could have a lollipop and he was telling her she had already had enough candy for the day. The interaction made me smile because I often have the same arguments with Noah. Then the whole family entered the waiting room to check out and I noticed that the little girl was holding ultrasound pictures. Her dad made a comment about how she was holding a picture of her little brother or sister. She made an excited comment which again made me smile, and then suddenly I was fighting back tears. I really hope my family gets that moment someday soon. A week ago was my Junebug's due date, and not a day goes by where I don't think about how close we came.

Thinking Positive

I have to be honest. I keep forgetting what this FET means. In a lot of ways, each cycle has started to feel like just another thing I'm doing. I've already told the doctor that I want to be able to go straight into another cycle after this one, so that when I get my period I can go right back on birth control. I guess you could say that I've lost a lot of the confidence I once had. Then the other day it occurred to me. Whoa. I could be pregnant by the end of this month. This is not just another thing I'm doing. I could be making a baby. And then I started to get excited again.

This time around I am definitely doing some things differently. I am taking the pentoxifylline to try to help my lining create the ever elusive triple stripe. I will also be undergoing my first ever acupuncture appointment this Friday. I procrastinated long enough and now it's time to bite the bullet, pay the money, and trust that Dr. Albrecht recommended this for a reason. On the day of transfer I will also do a pre and post session of acupuncture. The acupuncturist I will be seeing recommends continued treatments through the first trimester, so depending on cost and success, it's something I'll consider.

Sometimes I think my miscarriage happened to get my head on straight. Getting pregnant again seemed so easy (relatively), and although I was cautiously optimistic, I also feel like part of me just wasn't embracing what was happening. I don't know if I was just afraid. There was a lot of doubt from the day of transfer, and by 9 weeks I just had a bad feeling. So maybe it was a coping mechanism or just mother's intuition. But now I know that if I ever see that second line on a pregnancy test again, I will dance on the ceiling, embrace that little soul with all my heart, and trust that things will all work out. Not a moment will be taken for granted. Please let it happen this month!!!

The New House

Brian teaches at a high school in the foothills west of Denver. For several years, he tried to convince me to move up there because he couldn't stand living in the city. I hesitated because 1) I was still wishy-washy about Minnesota, and 2) I didn't want to deal with that commute. Two years ago he had our realtor take us on a look-see a little further west and we saw a few houses that we both liked. However, I declared that the commute would be too far and that was that. In February Brian really started to talk about it again. This was after I finally decided that although a large part of me will always want to go back to Minnesota, Colorado is our new home. We'll always have summers off, and let's be honest. That's the best time to be in Minnesota anyway. So, the morning after Ed had his heart attack, we had plans to see some houses in the mountains again. It was a hard day because I truly believed Ed was going to pass, but we ended up falling in love with one house. Our realtor asked us if we wanted to list our house yet, but I was in a rough emotional state and he said that he understood and there was no rush. Time passed and Ed woke up and began recovering. Brian and I both frequently checked listings, particularly checking to see if "our house" was still for sale. By Spring Break, Brian had me convinced to make the leap and *we* (read Brian) spent that whole week getting the house ready to list. That same week, our dream house went under contract. It was like a punch to the gut. It sat on the market that whole time, and then went under contract just days before we put our house on the market? I started to have second thoughts about the whole move, and Brian let our realtor know that we might delay listing our house. He offered to take us on another house hunt to which we agreed. Then, the next morning Brian got an email. Our dream house's deal fell through and it was back on the market! Saturday March 30th we listed our house. We went under contract on April 1 and immediately made an offer on the house in the mountains. We went under contract on that house on April 4, and the rest is history!

Our house is around 2800 square feet. We have three finished floors. The basement walks out to our backyard (which is not very yard-like yet, think sloping mountain side). It has one finished bedroom, one den/office, a 3/4 bath, a large open playspace, and laundry room. On the main level is the kitchen, dining room, living room, family room, and one 1/2 bath. You can access a large deck from both the family room and dining room. We face south with limited views of Pike's Peak from our property. On the third floor are 3 bedrooms, one full bath, and the 3/4 master bath. We feel like this is our "forever house" with plenty of room to grow and a great floor plan for our family. For both of us, the day we moved in the house instantly felt like home. I'm pretty sure with the way everything worked out, it was simply meant to be. However, I do reserve the right to sing a different tune the first time we get a 30"+ snowfall!

View from the front. The driveway down is pretty long and steep.

Kitchen view 1

Kitchen view 2 (can you see the boxes of meds above the fridge?)

Living room

Family room

View from the deck and master bedroom

On a walk in our neighborhood

Our new neighbors (taken from the deck)

No joke, we have a natural waterfall on our acre of property...

and lots of boulders to pose and play on!

I really do love this house, so please pray that this fire season is not as bad as they are predicting and that people use good judgment this summer!

FET Update and Noah's 1st PT Appointment

Yesterday morning I woke up bright and early for my CD1 ultrasound and blood work. One bummer about moving out of the city is that I now live about an hour from our clinic. Thankfully it's summer which will make this cycle a little easier. Everything looked good, but they want me to come back tomorrow for a more detailed ultrasound to investigate the spotting I've had all month. Their guess is that it's a side effect of starting birth control on CD1 of my last cycle and the addition of the pentoxifylline around the same time, but Dr. A. wants to be sure it's nothing more concerning. Nothing ever seems routine anymore. Sigh.

My bandage and shirt coordinated. I'm such a stylish infertile.

In the afternoon I drove about another hour to Noah's first PT eval/appointment. As I mentioned in a previous post, I've had concerns about his gross motor skills, primarily his ability to run, jump, and balance. The PT was really sweet (but unfortunately 9 months pregnant, ugh) and had him do all kinds of little exercises to determine the cause of his difficulties. She had him hop on little colored discs on the floor. Initially when she asked him, "Can you hop like a frog for me?" he replied in a sad little voice, "No, I can't." (We need to work on some self-confidence, too!) But then she demonstrated for him and he immediately found great pleasure in hopping across the discs. She pointed out that he seems to spring off from his left leg. Then he walked up and down stairs for her. She noted that he always steps up with his left leg first and down with his right leg. This indicates that he's not using the muscles in his right leg very much. He's left-leg dominant. So she had him balance on one foot at a time and determined that his ankles cave in towards each other, with the right ankle being worse than the left. This causes him to favor using his left leg because he has more stability on that side. He also sometimes walks on his toes so that he doesn't have to depend on his ankle joint. She recommended orthotics for his shoes to improve his ankle stability, and exercises to increase the strength in his right leg. Some of the home program is for us to put a sparkly sticker on the foot that we want him to lead with on the stairs. Should be interesting! I just hope it all helps him so that I don't worry about him as much on play equipment. His coordination was judged to be just fine, so that helps too!

Showing off his jumping skills.

Since we were in our old neck of the woods, we stopped by Val's house for dinner and playtime. Noah and Livey had a total blast hanging out together. All through dinner they made silly noises, toddler jokes, and lots and lots of hysterical giggling. Think they missed each other much? I feel lucky that I found Val to be Noah's daycare provider. I ended up making a friend as well. Now we're on the hunt for a preschool for the fall. We looked at a place right next to my husband's high school today. I want to see at least one more place for comparison, but it felt like a good fit and he definitely had fun exploring the rooms and playground. It's also a heck of a lot cheaper than what we had been paying for daycare, and they won't charge us over the summer like many other places will. It's still a little hard for me to think about Noah being in a center setting, but I know it will be good for his preparation for kindergarten. And hopefully he can make some same-age friends up here, too.

Toddler antics

First Weeks of Summer

My summer vacation officially started the afternoon of the 5th, but I'm going back to Memorial Day weekend since that seems like the real kickoff to summer. That weekend we grilled at a friend's house. The kids are ages 2, 3, and 4, so they usually have quite a bit of fun together.

The next day we introduced Noah to the hot tub that came with our new house. It's something I think we'll all be enjoying a lot this summer!

The first actual day of summer break, we drove to Evergreen Lake. Noah is still quite smitten with Jake and the Neverland Pirates, so he referred to it as "Nevergreen Lake" the whole time we were there. He really had fun throwing rocks into the water and put up quite a racket when we finally made him leave. We're no fun!

This weekend another nearby small town, Pine Grove, held their 25th annual Rhubarb Festival. It was a really fun day with a kids carnival, live music, the crowning of the Rhubarb Queen, a parade, and a duck race down the river (we missed the pancake breakfast). We all had a great time taking in the small town sights.

Anyone know what the flag represents? I don't know what PACE stands for.

Fishing for candy

I think this is called cheating!

The event was held at the Northfork Volunteer Fire Department's station in Pine. Smokey the Bear sprayed down the parade watchers. Noah was not totally amused.

The most colorful parade "float"

The Rhubarb Queen is seated in the middle with the lovely hat and scepter

Loving it!

Grooving

Getting ready for the ducks to make their appearance



Watching the local sheriff's pull the ducks from the water.



Noah got to bring one home. (Weird exposure, but I think it's such a funny picture!)

I have a feeling this summer is going to be full of lots of fun adventures and new experiences. So far, living in the mountains has been a total blast! One of these days I'm going to take some pictures of the new place and share, but for now the house is a mess and not photo ready. Hopefully soon. Tonight we're meeting friends for Jazz in the Park down in Denver. Can summer last forever?

Let the Good Times Roll!

It's that special time of year again... SUMMER VACATION!!!

11 weeks to snuggle this kid with no interruptions!

Today also marks the first day of Lupron shots. Bring it on! I am trying to get in a good, positive headspace for this FET. I'm a little nervous because I've been taking the meds to help my bloodflow, but I feel like it's caused me to have an endless menstrual period (mostly just brown spotting, but it's not going away or getting lighter). Not sure what to think. Anybody out there have experience with Pentoxifylline to help out the lining in their ute? I'm thinking it must be doing its job, right?