Things I Don't Want to Forget

1) A couple of weeks ago, Noah was asking for me while I was drying my hair. When I was finally done, I picked him up. He wrapped his arms around me, held me tight, and said, "I love you, Mommy." Then he loosened his grip, looked me in the eyes, and said it again. Over and over. It made me cry.


2) Noah really enjoys being sung to at night. After Three Men and A Baby came out, my step-dad used to sing that "Good night sweetheart" song at bedtime. (Or at least I think he did, it's a fuzzy memory.) Either way, I love to sing that to Noah at bedtime. It's been our old standby for a long time. Recently, he started asking (more like demanding) "more" after I'm done. We now have a playlist of "Twinkle Twinkle," ""You are my sunshine," and "Hush little baby." Sometimes he tries to sing along to "Twinkle Twinkle" getting just a few words here and there in the right place. Last night he surprised me by joining in during "You make me happy when skies are grey." I cried again. I would like to blame the copious amount of hormones I'm currently taking, but I think I would have cried anyway. He's so sweet.


3) Without much teaching from us, Noah is quite a polite little man. He says "thank you" so sweetly in his little voice. I love hearing him say "Thank you Mommy" over the smallest things, like handing him a piece of trash that he can throw away.


4) We are in a serious monkey-see, monkey-do phase. The other night Noah watched Brian give me my Lupron. He begged and begged for the needle, so we gave him a clean syringe to play with (sans needle of course) from our leftovers from IVF. (Yes, I even still have my original sharps container, because I haven't gotten around to figuring out where to dispose of it. Call me lazy, it's ok.) Later in the evening, Noah snuck upstairs to play. After a couple of minutes, I walked into the kitchen and saw this:

Pinch and stick

5) While eating, Noah pretends that chunks of his food are animals, most often horsies or elephants. Sometimes a big chunk is "daddy" and a small chunk is "baby." The animals walk, ride on each other, neigh, and make Noah's version of elephant noises. 


6) He loves dragons. Brian watched "How To Train Your Dragon" with him a few months ago, and he has been quite fascinated ever since. Sometimes if we need him to quiet down, we take a quick breath in and whisper, "I think I heard a dragon." He gets a very surprised look on his face, takes a quick breath in, and whispers back, "Ooh, a dragon ." Then he's on the hunt to find it.


7) He still does his T-Rex walk from time to time. It is probably the funniest, cutest thing he does. It never gets old.


8) He is getting bossy and independent. Sometimes Noah orders me to sit, or run, or just stay put. "I get it," "I do it," and "No Mommy/Daddy!" are all common phrases these days.


9) Noah really plays with his toys now, like, the way they were intended. He makes the little people in cars talk to each other, "Hey guys!" and actually builds things with his blocks, instead of just smashing them around. Golf in the backyard is one of his favorite pastimes. And most recently he has gotten slightly attached to his Curious George doll. Sometimes George has to eat breakfast with us.

He even gets a paci!

10) The main thing I don't want to forget is just how much I love this age. Is there anything cuter and more innocent than the mind of a toddler?


FET Update:
I've moved on to taking lots of estrogen support. Patches every other day, and a pill each night. Lupron continues until the 10th. My next blood draw is Monday. We are 13 days from transfer. Holy.

Ready

Tomorrow is officially day 1 of our FET cycle. I kept thinking we were about 3 weeks away from transfer, but then realized that we're actually only about 2 weeks away. The end of the month always tricks me! I'm over a week into the Lupron. Slowly, I think I'm starting to develop some of the side effects it caused last time. I'm a little headachy, and starting to feel subdued. Just a general funk. It doesn't help that it's been between 100-105 degrees in Denver for the last 5 days and I haven't wanted to venture out much during the day. Anyway, in the morning I will be heading in for bloodwork and if all looks ok, I will start Estrace pills and Vivelle patches tomorrow evening. Can't wait to see what the added hormones do to my mental state. 
I feel mostly positive about everything though. I know I'm much more relaxed than when I did IVF the first go around. I'm not nearly as worried about things going awry (which I think mostly stemmed from the stimming process last time) or not making it to transfer. But, it's impossible not to worry a little. There's so much invested in a cycle, and of course you just want it to work. In trying to stay positive, I decided to put on my big girl pants and muster up the courage to give myself one shot. Please understand that I have an unpleasant history with needles, and I've passed out in the middle of a doctor's office waiting room after getting poked back in college. I'm a wimp. However, I surprised myself with how easy it was. I was in a restaurant bathroom (we brought the needle pre-filled in a lunchbag with freezer packs to keep it cold), so I was more worried about someone noticing me shoot up than I was about the potential pain. But it didn't hurt at all. For whatever reason, the fat to the left of my belly button seems to sting less than to the right. Weird.
I also finally dragged myself to the doctor's office today to have some moles looked at. When I was pregnant with Noah, many of them changed, and I grew a few new ones as well. I've read that that is common, but I really just wanted that peace of mind before possibly getting into a situation where I have another being to take care of inside of me. Every mole the doctor checked caused no alarm whatsoever, but he measured them all so that I have a point of comparison should I want to look at them again in the future. There was one mole on my ribcage that kind of molted after Noah was born (gross, right?), so I was most concerned about that one. The doctor called it by it's fancy medical term which I don't remember, then told me that it's basically like a barnacle on my body, and totally harmless. I also have an age spot to the left of my left eye (though the doctor didn't want to call it that, he's a smart man). Aging is so beautiful, isn't it?
So there you have it. I don't have skin cancer*, and I'm ready to officially start my FET and grow myself a take home baby. We already got our one loss out of the way accidentally, so only good things now. Please.


*I didn't expect to find anything today, but I'm a bit of a hypochondriac and a worry wart. My skin hasn't seen much sun since 2007. I am about as pasty white as they come, but I was naughty and used a tanning bed a few times in my life. For the record, I looked nicely tan for prom, and the other times were more like phototherapy which you sometimes need when you grow up in a cold gray place like Minnesota. Now I'm all SPF 50+.

One Down

First shot of Lupron down! I forgot how much it stings and how red the injection site gets. But really it wasn't bad. Tonight I'm not going to watch though. Yuck, needles.

I'm excited to end the BCPs on Friday. They seem to mess with me in odd ways. I've had skin breakouts, headaches, heart arrhythmias, and random spotting. I blame them for all of these issues. Good riddance!

Summer Vacation, Part 1

May 29-June 15

Another summer, another installment of summer updates! I enjoy looking back on everything we did last summer, so I guess I'll continue the tradition.

We all know how my summer started off: a mystery BFP that ended in a chemical pregnancy. It was really distracting and stressful, so I didn't feel like summer really began until I knew for sure that we could move on as planned with our FET. The first weekend we attended Jazz in the Park. Every Sunday throughout the summer, Denver's City Park puts on a jazz concert and people flock there by the thousands. We never went last summer, and I guess we've been missing out. In our defense, it's about a 30-40 minute drive. It was worth it though to hang out with friends and let Noah entertain himself (and everyone around him!).

Noah LOVED Sam!

We went to the zoo one day with my friend Noelle and her son Wilson. I didn't take many pictures, so I'm cheating and including some from Memorial Day weekend.

 

Elephant tricks



Clapping for the elephant

We've also had fun in the backyard with our cheap inflatable pool. Noah calls it his "poodle." He can pronounce the word pool, and I do try to correct him, but oh my gosh it's cute to hear him exclaim, "Mommy, wanna go in poodle!"

My dad came into town for a short visit as well. Noah enjoyed getting to see his Papa Jeff again! Brian, my dad, and uncle Brady all went golfing, and Noah "helped" them on the driving range.

Teasing each other



Helping Daddy tee his ball

Aside from Jazz in the Park, our own community also puts on a weekly concert throughout the summer. Again, we never tried it out last summer and yes, we wish we had. Noah thought it was quite novel to run around the park dodging other older kids running around. He also enjoyed dancing on stage with Mommy and Daddy. He asked me to dance. How could I say no?

He's got moves!

We also hung out one day at an indoor gym/park for little kids called Monkey Bizness (Noah calls it "Monkey Bed"). They have a few around town, and it's a nice place to meet friends on a hot day. There's a coffee shop for the parents so you can chat with other moms (or dads) while your kids play in a safe environment. Works for me! 

Hanging out with Sammy

It's been nothing super exciting so far, but it still beats work! Our travel plans this year aren't as exciting as last summer with our two separate trips to Minnesota. The FET protocol is making it much more difficult. We'll try to get back later on, because I need some lake time!!!

Confessions of a Grumpy Mom

Ok, maybe it's just the BCPs talking here (have I ever mentioned how much I hated being on birth control when I was younger?! (and thought I needed it, ha ha!)), but I need a place to let some frustration out. Staying home can be hard. Is it better than work? Oh God, of course! And please don't think I'm not grateful for every millisecond of it! But it can have its moments. I feel myself doubting my competency sometimes. Our daycare provider, Val, brags about what a good eater Noah is with her. Is she sure we're talking about the same kid? Maybe I should leave him with her during the week lest he wither away to nothing in my care. Noah is such a hit and miss eater for me. Today's battle was lunch. I gave him some yogurt which he happily devoured. Then I slaved over scrambled eggs for five whole minutes (please note the sarcasm), and he wouldn't touch them. Not being above bribery, I tried to teach him some if-then reasoning. "Look, Mommy ate some eggs. Now Mommy gets a cookie! If you eat eggs, then you get a cookie." Cue hysterical crying and even greater refusal to eat those damn eggs. Curses. 


Food is such a struggle in general that Noah still consumes a lot of baby food from those space pouch things. I figure that way he's at least getting a variety of fruits and vegetables. Grapes? Yes please, but I'll spit out the peels. (This goes for any fruit with a peel.) Carrots? Ok, I'll gnaw on them, then spit out the shavings like a little beaver. Unless what he's eating contains bread, dairy, or sugar, forget it. The only meats he eats fairly reliably are chicken and salmon (and deli meat, which is high in sodium and not nearly as nutritious). Forget beef or pork.


Val also talks about how much she makes him drink to avoid constipation. I feel like I often forget to offer him something while he's playing, and even when I do he usually ignores it. It seems that he mostly just drinks with meals. 


Like I said, sometimes I end up feeling less than. I'm sure these are common complaints for parents of two-year-olds, so if you have any stories to make me feel better, or excellent tricks up your sleeve for getting a fussy eater to eat, by all means. Share away! 


(Tomorrow I promise a happier update!)

FET Calendar

On Tuesday we met with the IVF nurse to get our calendar and go over our medication protocol. Call me crazy, but I almost feel like a fresh IVF cycle would be easier (but way more expensive)! Here's the details. 

• I'm already on BCP which will continue through June 22. 
• I start the Lupron on June 18 and stop on July 10. 
• June 27th is my first blood draw (and officially day one of our FET cycle) and if all looks good I start baby aspirin, Estrace pills and Vivelle patches that night. Those continue at least 2.5 weeks after transfer (assuming I'm pregnant). 
• I go in for another blood draw and first lining check on July 6. If my lining looks good, they will give me my first Novarel trigger in the office. I repeat that three more times in smaller doses both pre- and post-transfer. 
• I start PIO shots (yippee) on July 7 and that continues until at least 7 weeks pregnant at which point I could switch to suppositories if I so desire. 
• I start Medrol on July 8 and take that until July 11. 
• The transfer is scheduled for July 12. We will be thawing one embryo at a time until we have one "excellent" candidate for the transfer. We have 10 frozen (which were all rated A+ prior to the freeze) so I feel pretty good about having extras on hand should this first FET fail. It makes me sad though that some might be thawed and look just ok and not make the cut.
• My first beta is July 21, and the repeat is July 24. They will actually call me with the first result this time, so I won't have to wait the extra three days like last time. 
• Will I POAS? I don't know, that just becomes a messed up head game every time.

I am excited, but holy cow! With Noah I didn't have to do the PIO, and I got to stop everything after my second beta came back ok. The nurse explained that things are just different with an FET. In the end, I know it will all be worth it. I would've taken a million more shots for Noah if I'd had to. But I can't help thinking, maybe I should have rooted just a little harder for that miracle BFP. Of course, rooting harder wouldn't have changed a thing.


On a different note, summer vacation is a God-send! I needed this break so badly! Two-year-olds are tiring, hard work, but so much more rewarding! I don't miss the stress of school one bit.

Random Noah Update

There are so many things I don't want to forget about Noah lately. He's so silly and makes me laugh constantly. Verbally, he says all kinds of words and phrases that surprise and amuse me. Every once in a while, he shouts out, "Arriba!" We don't watch Dora, but he does at daycare. Clearly he is learning from it... Some of the things that he is constantly saying are, "Mommy!" and "What's that?" It feels like almost every phrase out of his mouth starts with, "Mommy!" Sometimes he just repeats it over and over until I finally ask him "What?" just right. He is so curious, so every time he hears or sees something that he doesn't recognize, we hear "What's that?" Of course, when in a silly mood, he also asks us to identify objects and sounds that he definitely knows on his own. Another phrase we're hearing more and more is "No, I don't want to." So opinionated! Almost all little creatures or smaller versions of things are called "babies." For example, baby monkey and baby chair both make sense to him. I suspect he will be excited about having a real baby around when the time comes.

Jazz in the Park. He feels pretty.

Noah likes to play with his Fisher Price farm set. Today he called the little farmer figurine, "Farmer in the dell." He loves counting and can count to twelve intelligibly. He tries to go to fifteen, but 13, 14, and 15 all sound like "uhteen." He's also starting to sing songs on his own. Most of the time he just sings small little phrases from them, like, "how I wonder what you are" and "horn goes beep, beep, beep." He tries to sing his ABCs, but that usually comes out, "QRS, WX, Y and Z, Noah, Noah, Noah." I think the "now I know my" part just sounds like his name being repeated in his little mind. It's pretty cute to hear him try it though!


Noah is starting to engage in true pretend play. He makes the animals and farmer interact in his farm, and sometimes makes toys or objects kiss each other. Today at breakfast he took his banana and covered it up with the peel. He said, "Here go blankie. Night night. Sweet dreams." Of course he didn't eat it. He's a picky little thing!

Stirring with a Slim Jim wrapper. Don't question my parenting skills.

He also loves playing in sand. Our local playground has a huge sand pit with a water table that flows into the sand. It's a huge hit with all of the kids, and Noah is not afraid to join in the fun. Last week I took him in the morning and the place was already crawling with kids. A few older (4-6 year old) kids were busy making a "lake." My social little guy wanted to get right in the mix, though he was more interested in scooping dirt into the lake. The oldest boy there (I'm guessing 6ish) grabbed Noah by the shirt, pushed him away, and yelled, "I told you to dig somewhere else!" Not knowing proper Mommy etiquette, I waited for one of the four other moms to assume responsibility and do something. Nope, they all just stood there chatting away. This continued through taunting of Noah when they asked his name and he replied "No" (they all mimicked him, "He said his name is No. Ha ha!"), and even through all the kids stealing the sand toys we brought away from him. Poor Noah didn't know what to do, and neither did I. I couldn't believe the other moms didn't step in when their children were verbally and physically picking on a much younger child. Bizarre. Next time, there will be words!


Noah can finally correctly place all of his shapes into his shape sorter. We tried a couple of months ago and he was still just guessing, so this is a pretty new skill.

Overall, he is pretty fearless (except with thunder!) and very social. I don't know whose DNA is responsible for this. Clearly not mine. I don't think any of my DNA made it into this kid, but man do I love him!

Climbing the tree. 

Look What I Have!

Check it out! One is missing!


So, a chemical pregnancy was confirmed. My beta went from 8 to 2 (still in shock that I got a faint positive result on a FRER on Wednesday when it must have been around 4 or 5). My OB asked me to get a Rhogam shot to be on the safe side, so I went in yesterday and also grabbed the paperwork regarding my betas. I called my clinic immediately after, and in the afternoon the nurse called to tell me that my doctor saw no reason to wait for our FET. I'll get my calendar on Tuesday, but the nurse told me we're shooting for a July 12 transfer. I am so excited again!


This whole week has been such a rollercoaster. I'm just glad it ended this way. Now I feel like I can finally start to enjoy my summer vacation!