Proud Momma!

Noah has not always been the biggest fan of tummy time. We recently introduced the Boppy, and he's been getting better and better at lifting his head. Today we put him down without the Boppy to see what he could do. He absolutely stunned us by rolling over! He's never even shown hints at trying to do so. I thought it might be a lucky fluke, but then he did it again. I'm so proud!! We have yet to see any interest in rolling over back to front, but this is such an exciting milestone!

(For the record, it's Brian's voice.)

Oh God, I Love Him

My love for Noah hits me in waves. When I'm holding him and he's starting to get sleepy, he turns his head towards my body and rubs his eyes against me. He clings to me with one hand and holds tight. At these moments, I often find myself realizing all over again that he is mine. I am his mommy and he is my son. He wants me when he's tired or cranky. I don't have to put him down or give him away to someone else. I am the comfort he is looking for. I get to be the one to wake up with him in the morning and kiss him good night. I get to feed him when he's hungry and hold him whenever I want. I used to feel so envious when I looked at mom's holding their babies. I wanted a little one who wanted me. It's such an awesome feeling. I try not to take it for granted.

It makes me sick to think that some people don't have these feelings for their children. There was a woman here in Denver who was arrested for child abuse a while back, and the story makes me want to vomit. Her boyfriend gave her two year old son a bath in scalding hot water. She picked her boyfriend and son up, along with her other child, to run some errands and grab some fast food. The whole time her son was dying in the backseat with third degree burns all over his body. When they finally decided to bring him to the hospital, his skin was falling off his body. The poor little boy died. His mother knew he was badly burned, but somehow McDonald's and Walmart were more important? Some people have no idea what a gift fertility is, and how precious their children are. They don't deserve it. They have no idea how much heartache some people have to endure to have their own children. It's not fair.

Today in History

It was one year ago today that 15 amazing little embryos came to life in a petri dish. We had no idea if we would we have anything to show for it in the end, but we were so excited that we had finally created life! Seeing how perfect and amazing Noah is, I can't help but wonder at the potential of our 10 snowbabies. Don't worry though. This girl has no plans for a reality show on TLC.

Happy anniversary Noah. I'm so blessed to have you in my life!

Medical Mystery

It's oh so comforting when you go to the doctor and they say, "Honestly, I don't know what to tell you because I've never seen anything quite like it." And also when a second doctor gets called in for consult and asks you, "Neither of you have any history of bleeding disorders, do you?" So Noah has had small red dots on the shin of his right leg for a while. About a week ago I had him in the Baby Bjorn and noticed that his leg turned cherry red. I took him out and saw that the little red dots looked worse, and it became obvious that the dots were little capillaries that were broken. I decided that was the end of the Baby Bjorn and haven't used it since. Then the other night we went to dinner and Noah was tired and cranky and starting screaming something fierce. When we got home I noticed that his leg looked worse yet. We decided to make an appointment for yesterday to figure out what is going on. And those are the responses we got. They had him get a blood draw (big boy style with a tourniquet, and he didn't really cry until they bandaged him up) to check white and red blood cell counts and coagulation. We heard back right away on the blood cell counts which were totally normal. We'll get the coag results on Monday. And if they are fine? "I don't know what to tell you, but if it doesn't go away or gets worse, we'll have you see a dermatologist." Oh, how comforting... For a while I also thought the doctor was going to accuse us of abuse because she really thought it looked like bruising from a compression injury. I thought just one look through his records and she'd see that I dropped him once, and now he has unexplainable bruising, and social services would be there in a heartbeat. Thankfully I think we come across as loving and genuinely concerned parents.

In other news, his appetite appears to have returned, and his naps have gotten longer again. I guess when one worry goes away, another one just has to appear.

Three Months

It's hard to believe Noah is three months, and that I have only three weeks of maternity leave/summer vacation left. By the time I go back to work I will have had four months off. A third of the year seems like it should feel longer than it has. Boo.

I've already posted about a lot of the things Noah has been doing as of late. What I haven't really mentioned is how much this kid is cooing. He used to be all smiles during diaper changes and play time, but now he often makes these hysterical, and often very earnest faces and then oohs and aahs up a storm. And if he isn't cooing, then he's sucking on his little hands like a mad man. There have only been a couple more episodes of giggling, and none quite as convincing as the first. His new hobby of reaching for things continues, and he's often able to actually grab a hold of what interests him. But once he gets it in his hand, he usually drops it immediately.

My nursing woes continue, and are morphing into generalized anxiety. Yesterday Noah was really hard to make happy. He didn't seem interested in nursing, so I'd try to play with him. That would get old within 30 minutes and he'd start rubbing his eyes. So then I'd try giving him a nap. Forty-five minutes later he'd be awake again. Not too interested in eating, not too content to play. So nap again. And on and on. Then at night, he barely seemed to eat anything and was really fussing in his crib. I tried giving him a bottle, and he sucked it down in no time which made me so confused. Why, if he's hungry, is he not nursing well? His latch seems to be getting worse by the day, and I'm afraid with his decreased interest that my supply is going to deteriorate. As I said, anxiety over all of this is driving me insane. I almost want to try pumping exclusively, because it's so reassuring to me when I know how much milk he's actually drinking. I should probably just relax, but it's hard when he's acting less content by the day. (And having less and less really wet diapers.)

In other news, we interviewed the licensed day care provider last night. What a nightmare. I mentioned that Noah has a hard time sleeping if he's not swaddled, and would she be willing to use the wrap that we use. We got a 10 minute lecture on why swaddling is awful, and how he'll never develop core strength, roll over, sit up, or walk if we continue to swaddle him. And story after story of swaddled kids who went through Child Find because they needed motor therapy as a result. Riiight. She also said she has no real routine and just does whatever the kids want to do. I picture pure chaos all day long. Plus she just looked a little nutty (okay, a lot nutty). The good news is that the whole experience made me feel a lot better about the woman we already met with. Even though she has a lot of young ones, she seems genuinely caring and personable, and was able to far better explain what Noah's day would look like. I'll keep looking, because I don't want to feel like I'm settling (and yes, this whole situation is also causing me a ton of anxiety). But now I know that being licensed doesn't necessarily translate to being any good. (Or sane.)

Nursing Woes

It seems like every time I think nursing is going better, Noah likes to throw me a curveball. While we were in Minnesota he was eating well and staying latched for about 10 minutes per side. Now just in the last few days, it seems like he's lost all interest in nursing. He stays latched for 5 minutes at a time, if I'm lucky, and constantly kicks himself away from me. If that wasn't annoying enough, he takes a million little breaks and starts cooing up a storm. As cute as it is, I want him to focus! According to the scale, he hasn't gained a single ounce in the last few days, whereas he usually puts on an ounce a day. I have no idea if he's just getting more efficient at nursing or if he really is eating way less. I thought there was supposed to be a growth spurt with an increase in eating at three months, not the total opposite. The most frustrating part of nursing is that I have NO idea how much he actually eats. One more month til we start some solids...

Also, beginning tomorrow I'm going to start pumping regularly and he'll be getting a bottle a day. Next week we'll go up to two bottles per day. Sadly, I already have to start getting him used to this since I'll be heading back to work in less than 4 weeks. I shouldn't complain because I ended up with four months of maternity leave (due to good timing), and he'll be a week shy of 4 months when I return. But when I read about these women in Canada getting a whole year I feel pretty damn envious! The US is so stupid sometimes! We have also returned to the day care hunt. The more I thought about the woman we interviewed, the less I liked her. In Colorado, a licensed care provider can have no more than 3 infants (under 2yrs) at a time. The woman we interviewed was not licensed, and all 8 (yes, 8) of the kiddos she watches are under 2 years old. We have an interview this week with a licensed day care provider who has one infant opening. I hope it works out because she lives extremely close to us. Lucky for me, Noah won't be plunging into day care immediately. My mom is coming out for my first week of work to help me transition. I think it will be a lot more comfortable for both Noah and I to get a one-week trial run under our belts to work out all of the kinks. Either way though, I know I won't feel ready, and I'm expecting myself to cry a lot. I wish my break never had to end! How will I ever survive 8 hours without seeing this face?

Day Care and Milestones

We finally got day care set up. We decided to go with a home-based day care in our town. I wish there was a way we could avoid it, but it's not financially possible for us. Boo. I already want to cry my eyes out, and I still have over a month left before I go back to work. Time to buy lottery tickets. My mom is going to come out in August for our first week back to work to watch Noah. I think that might help with the transition. No matter what though, it is going to suck. Big time.

Noah is eleven weeks and one day. Today's milestone? He giggled when I tickled him. Not a full belly laugh, but more like delighted squeals. My heart melted. Then the poor kid got the hiccups. :)

He also has started reaching for things. He has a playmat for the floor, and a bee hangs down and plays music when he hits it. A few weeks ago he would just lie there and look at things. Now he bats at the bee and tries to grab it. It's amazing how fast he's suddenly gaining new skills! We've been trying to fit in more tummy time to work on pushing himself up, and eventually rolling over. He also has way more head control these days. When I hold him he likes to arch his back and look around. He often gets tired or just plain loses control and lays his head back down on me, (I love those cuddles) so he still has a ways to go. We bought a seat for him so that he can sit up just as soon as he has his head control mastered. At the rate he's changing, I'm guessing he'll be using it soon.

One other thing. The last few days, I have been spotting a little. I thought it was the return of AF (which had me pretty ticked since I've read that most exclusively breastfeeding moms don't get it back until they start weaning), but so far nothing more than spotting. Has anyone else experienced this?

Growing Like A Weed

Upon return from our vacation in Minnesota, I found that a lot of Noah's 0-3 month outfits now fit him. I packed up all of his newborn clothing minus a few Carter's onesies. They tend to be longer and still fit him well. According to my scale at home, he is well over 11 pounds now. I can see it the most in his thighs and cheeks. He has a ton of outfits to wear after the shower. I'm guessing some outfits might get overlooked before he outgrows them (especially the pants!). Oh well. At least he'll be well dressed for a while.

We had a pretty quiet 4th of July. Uncle Brady came over and we went to the local street fair going on. Nothing very exciting to see, except for one of the scariest cougars EVER. Her hair was bleach blonde and teased like mad. She must have been around 5' 6" and 100 pounds, with the most frightening fake boobs (and tan) you've ever seen. I wish I could've gotten a picture. But I digress. We planned to grill steak and corn for dinner, but a heavy rain and hail storm moved in so we went for hot dogs at a local place instead. It felt patriotic, I guess. Before bed, I swaddled Noah up and decided to give reading him a bedtime story a try. So cute! He was totally looking at the pictures the whole time. We have a new ritual!

Lastly, I have to point out that it was one year ago today that I took my first lupron shot. I hate needles, but all those pokes were SO worth it!!

Noah's First Vacation to Minnesota

We had a great time back home with all of our family and friends. I really wish we never had to leave. It's amazing how a baby can completely change your priorities in life. Brian and I never wanted to go back to Minnesota because the winters are so tough. After our trip, we're wondering just how soon we can move back. It is so much more fun getting to share our son with his extended family than to have him all to ourselves here in Colorado, no matter how much nicer the winters are. However, Brian just found out he's been accepted into graduate school here in Denver, so we might be committed to two more years here. We're both a little bummed about that.

Here are some highlights from the trip:

We spent the first weekend at my parent's cabin on East Battle Lake. It was so nice to listen to the loons at night and take a boat ride around the lake. Noah was in good spirits all weekend and gave us lots and lots of smiles.

The first week back we stayed with my mom and step-dad. It was kind of a hectic week with lots of running around to show people Noah. I took him to see his Great Grandma Lee, his only living great grandparent on my side of the family. I also brought him to my dad's former company to see his old coworkers.

Great Grandma Lee

Wednesday night my mom's friends threw me a shower. Also in attendance were my sister, my mom's sisters, my step-aunt, and a few cousins. The theme was Noah's Ark. It was adorable and we truly were showered with amazing gifts! Unfortunately Noah was way off of his schedule that day from all of our running around, so he was cranky the whole night.

Noah meeting Aunt Aimee at the shower

At the end of the week my best friend from high school came into town with her husband. We took our dogs to the dog park and had a great time catching up with each other. She brought Noah an adorable hedgehog toy that she knitted. I'm jealous of her talent!

Meeting Danna

The next weekend we stayed with Brian's parents. Gamma Wendy had a great time playing patty cake with Noah. He absolutely loved it! Every time he would smile so big. I really think we're going to be getting giggles soon! Sunday night we had dinner with Brian's parents, brother and fiance, grandparents, and uncle. It was fun sharing Noah with all of them!

Monday night my step-dad scored us company seats to the Twins game versus the Detroit Tigers. The Twins lost the game, but we enjoyed seeing the new stadium, and I got to see an old friend from high school who happened to be there. Gamma Wendy babysat Noah for us so we could enjoy our night out together. He ate 5oz for his dinner! I was shocked since I've never seen him bottle feed more than 2.5oz.

Target Field!

Noah continued to impress us with his sleeping the whole trip. One night I fed him at 8:00pm and he didn't wake to feed until 5:00am. I hope this trend continues now that we're back home! So all in all, it was a great trip, and much too short! We miss everyone so much already!