Three Year Stats

I brought Noah in for his three year appointment this week. He weighed in at 28lbs, 14.4oz (20th percentile) and measured 37.25" (37th percentile), putting his BMI at 9.59%. He's my little runt, and I love him.

The pediatrician asked if I have any questions or concerns about him, so I brought up that I'm pretty convinced he has gross motor delays. He can't jump with both feet off the ground and his running is pretty spastic (but really freaking funny!). He also seems to have poor balance. She brought him into the hall and had him run up and down it a couple of times. Being in just his diaper made his spastic, clumsy running look so much cuter. Everyone who saw him giggled and smiled. Then we went back into the room and the doctor whole-heartedly agreed that yes, there are delays. She recommended a hip x-ray to make sure that there isn't something physically wrong, and then referred him for a physical therapy evaluation. I am very happy about this. As a school psychologist I feel pretty confident in my understanding of typical child development and the services schools offer to help children. Noah is developing typically in all other areas (social-emotional, cognitive, communication, physical health) and in the school system you cannot qualify for special education and related services with only a motor delay. I am glad to know that we can get him help through a different avenue. However, it sucks that we'll likely be paying deductibles for it because insurance is a scam! I'll do anything for him though.

I still can't believe he's three!

The Big Three!!!

I'm not sure how it's possible, but my little baby boy turned three today. Seriously?!

We had a smallish birthday party for Noah yesterday with a number of friends. The theme was Jake and the Neverland Pirates because he is OBSESSED. It's actually pretty cute. Whenever we're out and about, he'll start the little march they do and sing the song, "Yo ho mateys away! There'll be treasure and adventure today!" He loves to pretend that various tube-shaped objects are "telescopes" and insists that I assist him with finding treasure.

The Cake

I have to say, throwing a birthday party in the midst of moving is not a fun endeavor (and the cord for my camera has apparently been packed so I can only add my phone pics). I'm already stressed out as it is, and putting together a little party was the last thing I wanted to do Saturday morning. It was mostly fun though, and I know Noah enjoyed getting to have a party dedicated to him. The hardest part for me was having to hang out with my two pregnant friends. One recently had a baby as well. The three of them sat around and talked about their first-born's reactions and thoughts to having a baby sibling on the way. They complained about how big they felt. Each time any conversation like this got started I promptly found someone else to talk to. I can't handle it. The three of us all would have been due within about 8 weeks of each other, and we all would have had baby girls. Not getting to be a part of this excitement anymore sucks. (Which reminds me, today is the beginning of National Infertility Awareness Week. An appropriate date to begin on if you ask me!)

Noah only got a few presents this year. With the expenses and hassle of moving, I'm not up to shelling out big bucks. Nor do I want more stuff to pack. However, I couldn't pass up Jake's talking spyglass and treasure map. Noah loved them both!

Ahoy Mommy!

Today was his actual birthday, but it was pretty low key. Brian spent a lot of the day packing, and Noah and I played outside a bit. We blew bubbles in the morning, drew with chalk after lunch, and then went over to a friend's house for dinner and more cake. We FaceTimed with grandparents, and Noah's best friend Wilson messaged us a video wishing Noah a happy birthday, followed by a sweet "I miss you!"

Getting messy...

...and loving it!

Happy Birthday Matey! Mommy loves you!

Consult and Lawsuit

I went in for my consult on Thursday. I brought Noah along, and it was fun to introduce him to the doctor who helped bring him to life. Dr. A gave me a hug and apologized for the failed cycle, then sincerely asked me how I have been feeling since I found out it was negative. I told him that I figured only the luckiest person alive could succeed with a single embryo transfer three times in a row, so I wasn't overly upset. He smiled and we moved on. Dr. A explained that the lining of my uterus has never looked just the way it should. That surprised me because when I did my FET in September the sonographer told me that everything looked "beautiful" and no one ever said anything to the contrary. But I guess in reality I make nice, thick linings, but they have always lacked a perfect triple stripe. Dr. A said that while I do show multiple layers, they don't look as defined as they should, or something along those lines. We both agreed that since I have been pregnant three times in my life, it's probably not much of an issue. So the bottom line is we'll do the same thing we did last time, but this time he really wants me to try acupuncture. I'm not overly thrilled and it sounds expensive, but if that's what he thinks is best, I will trust him. I was given the option to schedule a transfer in May, but I elected to wait until June. I've missed enough work already, and with the impending move I think I'll tackle just one stressful life event at a time.

Once all of that was out of the way, Dr. A told me he had another issue to discuss with me. (I can already feel my blood pressure rising as I type this.) Apparently, Dr. B has filed a lawsuit againt Dr. A for "defamation of character." Allow me to explain.

Dr. A is the first RE I ever saw. He worked at a clinic near my home. We loved everything about him and got pregnant on our first IVF cycle with him. A month before Noah was born, I received a letter in the mail from the clinic explaining that Dr. A was no longer employed with them, just as an FYI I guess. I was sad because I hoped we would work with him again in the future. When it came time for baby #2, we went to the same clinic and picked a new doctor, Dr. B, to work with. Our first consult with him left me completely unimpressed, but it seemed easier to just stick with the clinic rather than transition over to Dr. A's new clinic. Long story short, I hated Dr. B the entire time I worked with him. As soon as I miscarried I knew I was going to transfer back to Dr. A and his new clinic. When I had my regroup with Dr. B in January following my miscarriage, I found out just how big of an asshole he is. I never blogged about the regroup because it upset me too much and I thought if I badmouthed him it would create negative karma that could mess up my FET with Dr. A. Well, at this point I'm over that fear and I'm ready to let it out. My regroup meeting with Dr. B began with a comment of, "I was so sure we were going to get you pregnant." That rubbed me the wrong way, because I did get pregnant. That baby existed and mattered to me. When I explained that, he got all irritated and mumbled that yes, he knows I was pregnant and that he meant he was so sure I would stay pregnant. Whatever. When I had this regroup I had already been to see Dr. A and had a sonohysterogram with him days earlier to check out the state of my uterus post-miscarriage. When Dr. B realized that my visit to Dr. A was more than just a second opinion, I could tell he was losing his cool. He went off about how nobody in their right mind does an SHG anymore to evaluate a woman's uterus and insisted that I needed a hysteroscopy. To emphasize his point (or in my opinion to scare me into believing him), he pulled up two other women's medical files to show me recent hysteroscopies he performed on women who miscarried. He pointed out how messed up their uteruses were, then explained how with some sort of surgical procedure he is skilled in, he was able to recycle their linings and restore them to suitable wombs. He showed me the after images as well to wow me with his prowess. Aside from feeling bullied, I was also appalled that he was showing me other women's medical records with their names in plain view. A clear HIPAA violation. He offered to do the hysteroscopy for free, and also said he would knock $1000 off the cost of another FET (which price-matches Dr. A). I told him I was already planning another transfer with Dr. A and that's when he really came unglued. He asked me if I had moved my embryos yet and I replied that I hadn't. He leaned forward across his desk, glared at me, and asked in a very hostile tone, "Well how do you expect to do a transfer with Dr. A if you haven't moved your embryos?" I told him the transfer wasn't until March and I had plenty of time. I'm not a fucking idiot. (I didn't say that part.) He then stated in a very sarcastic, angry tone of voice, "Well, good luck then. Good luck." By this point it was all I could do to keep it together and not cry out of anger. After a few more hostile exchanges, I left his office and cried in my car. After leaving this appointment, for days I felt a paranoid worry that he would do something to my embryos and wanted to get them out of there ASAP. Brian called the clinic the next week to make a complaint against Dr. B for the way he behaved towards me and also mentioned that I was left feeling so uncomfortable by the visit that I actually had fears that the safety of our embryos was at risk. The woman he talked to took the information and reassured Brian that nothing could happen to our embryos.

So, back to my consult with Dr. A. Apparently, Dr. B is alleging that someone at Dr. A's office told me that the safety of my embryos was at risk if left at Dr. B's clinic and that I needed to leave there and move my embryos immediately. This is a total bald-faced lie. And I know Dr. B knows it. He is just trying to continue to bully, intimidate, and retaliate against both me and Dr. A because he's pissed that we left his practice. Additionally, I believe Dr. A left under not-so-good terms with Dr. B and there is likely some animosity there, especially now that Dr. A has a practice directly competing with Dr. B. The whole situation makes me absolutely furious. Dr. A reassured me that he doesn't see this lawsuit actually seeing the light of day, but I obviously agreed to come to his defense if need be. I was crying pretty hard by this point, mostly out of anger, and Dr. A was his usual wonderful self and reminded me that I haven't done anything wrong. He felt bad that he even had to bring it up, but he wanted to make sure that no one in his clinic had actually said anything like that to me because if so, he would need to address it. I assured him that while although I have been very verbal about my dislike for Dr. B, all of his staff have been very professional and tactful in response to my rants and haven't said a single "defaming" thing about him. If you ask me, Dr. B should be suing himself. He defames his own character every day by acting like a prick. And if you act like an asshole, you're going to get called out on it. Work on your bedside manner and maybe people won't flee from your practice.

So ladies, if any of you, or anyone you know, ever considers working with Conceptions Reproductive Associates of Colorado, I strongly urge you or them to reconsider and look elsewhere. It's not worth the angst. And it's too bad, because they really do have some fabulous people working for them. But Dr. B is the worst doctor I have ever encountered. Period. The end.

Snow Day

The weather gods granted us a snow day today. And by weather gods, I mean local meteorologists. Everyone was talking about the blizzard-like conditions we would be experiencing today, so all schools around Denver canceled last night. Instead we woke up to a dusting, with maybe 3 additional inches today. Considering yesterday's highs were in the high 60s/low 70s, the roads have remained just fine. I am not complaining. I love a free day!!

Despite today's snow, the weather here has been improving. This weekend we went out to eat with my brother and we waited for our table outside. The restaurant is next to a mall with a lovely outdoor koi pond/stream. Noah likes to watch the fish, so it's a nice distraction while we wait. Well, apparently it is preggo season because I swear every woman that walked by was like 10 months pregnant. I'm not gonna lie. It stings a lot knowing that I could have been one of them. But it's silly to think like that, because clearly things weren't meant to be. Although I really wish I was still pregnant, it hasn't been on my mind as much lately. I have found the new cure to infertility woes. The secret? Sell your house.

As I mentioned earlier, we put our house up for sale at the tail end of our spring break. It technically went up the night before Easter. On the holiday itself we had three showings. We got our first offer Monday morning, and then had 13-14 more showings scheduled for the day. By Monday night, we were under contract already. Then we submitted an offer on a bank owned house Tuesday and found out it was accepted Thursday afternoon. It has all been a total whirlwind. There are so many stressors including loans and inspections to go around that the last thing on my mind is getting pregnant again. I have to admit, it's kind of nice in that respect. Yet, I'm not sure that this stress is any easier to deal with. Ugh, is it May 1st yet?

I know it will all be worth it in the end. I can't wait to live in this house! (And I do hope we can fill it with one more kid...)