Rollercoaster

This has been a very up and down week. Noah practically refused to nap on Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday went better, but then that night he barely slept a wink, so neither did I. Grr. Since school was wrapping up in my district this week, I got out of the house both Thursday and Friday visiting the two schools I primarily work for. I wanted to show Noah off before everyone was away for the summer. He got lots of oohs and awws, and I got a lot of "you make me sick" reactions from people in regards to my return to pre-pregnancy weight (I do have a few extra pounds hanging around though). Thursday and Friday night Noah went for four hours between feedings (from the start of one to the start of the next), meaning I got 3 solid hours of sleep between them. Six hours of sleep in one night, although broken up, has been very therapeutic. I'm still dying for more though. I bought a scale so I can weigh the little guy. I just wanted some reassurance with the breastfeeding. He's close to, if not already, 9 pounds! I can't believe that. I've heard a couple people say 10 pounds was the magic weight where their baby slept for at least 5 hours. I'm crossing my fingers, because with his weight gain of about 1-1.5 ounces per day, that could be just a couple weeks off! Also, smiles have been popping up more and more, but I'm still waiting for them to get more convincing!

Today is a special day around here! Brian and I have always celebrated it as our true anniversary. (I actually treasure this day more than our wedding anniversary.) May 29th is the day that Brian asked me out after German class during my junior year of high school. That was 12 years ago! Hard to believe it's been that long. I'm so glad I said yes, because I wouldn't have my little Noah if I hadn't!

Happy Memorial Day weekend to everyone!

I Can't Get No Sleep

Cue Faithless. I might as well listen to his rave music and wave around some glow sticks. If I'm going to be awake half the night, I guess I should make the most of it, right? (If you have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, Google "Faithless - Insomnia." If you like techno, it's kind of a fun song.) Somebody please tell me that this little guy will eventually go for more than 3 hours between feedings!! I feel kind of hopeless at times. It's insane to me to think that I haven't slept for more than three hours at a time since April 21st. And the two months preceding Noah's birth weren't the most restful either. Good Lord this is hard. I told Brian the other day (and numerous people have said it since) that eventually it must get better or no one would have more than one. I hope that's the case.

These faint smiles are about the only thing getting me through most days.

One Month!

Wow how time flies! How has it already been an entire month since Noah entered my life? It's amazing how much he's changed already! It's hard to see his growth from day to day, but looking back at pictures from his first week, you can totally tell how much bigger he is. When he's in his car seat or bouncer, his head and legs stretch out more and he takes up more space in general. So while he's gaining weight and length, the poor little guy is losing his hair. He has a bit of a mad scientist look going. He's pretty much bald on top with a nice thick spiky ring of hair around the sides. Noah is getting much more alert after feedings. We've found that he really enjoys sitting up in our arms facing outward. He loves to look out the window and stare up at our faces. He's also taken a real interest in the mobile above his crib. You can watch him track each animal as it spins above his head, which is so much fun for both of us. His head control seems to improve daily. During tummy time he can lift his head up and with repeated effort he can turn it to face the other direction. When he's on my chest being burped, he can really push himself away from me, but sometimes that gets him into trouble. He still has no control when it comes to laying his head back down so occasionally when I'm not super on the ball, he head bashes himself into my collar bone. It never seems to bother him, but I always feel bad when it happens. Night feeding is going okay. Most nights (knock on wood) he is easy to put back to sleep. But some nights he will stay up almost the entire time between feedings. Those nights always test my patience and usually leave me in tears by morning. He still feeds about every three hours. I can't wait for the day when I can get more than two hours of sleep at a time!!!!

I'm not going to sugar coat this. The first month has had its share of ups and downs. I love looking into his eyes, especially now that he focuses back on mine, and knowing that somehow I created this little miracle. The faint hints of a smile that he's been showing melt my heart (I can't wait for a real, clear smile!). But wow. Nothing and no one can possibly prepare you for how hard things can be. Sleep deprivation is brutal. A screaming baby that can't be soothed is draining. The tension of never knowing when he might suddenly get very upset is stressful. The demands of breastfeeding can be downright overwhelming. Trust me when I say I'm not complaining. I waited a long time to be this sleep deprived, drained, stressed out, and overwhelmed. I know how lucky I am to have a healthy biological child. But to be perfectly honest I can't say I've enjoyed every moment of it. I know it will get better, especially when he starts sleeping for longer intervals. Until then, I'll continue to treasure the fun moments and grin (or more realistically grimace) and bear it through the harder ones.

3 Weeks

Just a quick update as we're approaching the end of a nap. Noah is already 3 weeks, which is crazy! Time is starting to fly, and it's already been one month of maternity leave as of today. The next three are going to feel way too short, I'm sure of it!

Noah is still doing well. He has fussy spells most evenings starting around 7:00pm. Last night I gave him over to Brian so I could get some stuff done and just relax a little. It was great! We've found that swaddling him in his sleep swaddle usually calms him, but some nights we hold off on using it until we're ready to go to bed. It seems to help assure that he goes down for the night a little easier. I've laid off altogether on setting an alarm to feed him, and he's settled into a nice rhythm on his own. He tends to go 3-4 hours between feedings, and most days we get 7-8 feedings in. Since he seems content after most feedings and has plenty of wet and poopy diapers, I am pretty sure he's getting enough to eat. Today I pumped for the first time so that Brian might be able to take on some middle of the night feedings this weekend. I was able to get close to 3oz on each side, for a total of almost 6oz. I've looked all over the internet trying to find out what is normal, and how much he would need per feeding, but it looks like there are no clear answers. I saw one site that said he should eat around 3oz (divide 25oz by the average number of feeds per day). If anyone has thoughts, advice, or knowledge about this, please leave a comment!

Mother's Day

It was not a great day. We had a fussy Noah all day, minus one good nap. He peed through multiple outfits, and then after some content Skyping with my parents, he experienced some exorcist-style barfing. When it came shooting out of his nose, that scared me. But he was fine, and after a bath to clean him up, he was right back to being very unhappy. I can't blame him. I tried one more feeding before putting him down for the night, and he peed through his outfit, all over my pants, and all over the Boppy. Brian went to get the other Boppy cover, and the freaking zipper was broken. He spent about 15 minutes fixing it while we both fumed to ourselves over the day we had. Even though it was a difficult, exhausting day, I'm still aware of how lucky I am to have been able to celebrate Mother's Day as a mom.

2 Week Appointment

Today's doctor appointment went great! I like the pediatrician. She seems very European, in a Scandinavian (Minnesotan) kind of way. My worries about breastfeeding have been eased quite a bit since he's gained nearly a full pound since his last weigh-in. He's up to 7lbs 5oz! What a little champ! I was given the "ok" to ease up on waking him at night to feed since he's proven himself to be a good gainer. Woohoo!

Everything else was good. He seems to be quite healthy and happy! The only crappy part was going to the lab to get his second heel poke done. I have heard him scream for sure, but not like that. I almost cried with him. And his tear ducts must be kicking in because there were little tiny tears. So sad.

It felt really good to get out of the house and drive my car! I definitely need to head to BRU and pick up a mirror so I can see him in the backseat. I don't like this whole facing-away-from-mommy business. Speaking of mommy business, I'm really looking forward to my first Mother's Day. I can't believe I'm a mom!! Wishing all you other new moms and moms-to-be a very happy, blessed Mother's Day!!

P.S. Has anyone else read or heard anything about Pampers diapers and their new Dry Max technology? I read an article yesterday about people complaining that their little ones are getting nasty rashes and what appears to be chemical burns from these diapers. The pediatrician wasn't aware of it, and suggested going back and forth at each changing between another brand and Pampers if I'm concerned. We bought some Huggies last night, which don't seem to fit quite as well, but the last thing I (or Noah) need is blistering, bloody, baby butt!

Two Weeks

The first week seemed to fly by, but this week definitely took its time. Noah is getting a little bit fussier, mostly at night, which isn't so great for my sleep. During the day he still stays pretty calm and sleeps most of the time. He continues to be so sleepy that he rarely wakes himself up for feedings, so I'm sticking to waking him every 2-3 hours. I constantly wonder if he's getting enough to eat. His diapers suggest that he is, but the worrying never really ends, does it? He also has very dry skin on his hands and feet and it's driving me nuts! Lotions and creams don't seem to provide much help. In other news, he lost his umbilical cord stump on Monday. That meant we could finally give him a normal bath. It went much better than the sponge bath, at least until he peed all over the place after he was placed in his towel. I can't tell you how many times we've had "accidents" during changings. You just have to laugh! So with all the good and difficult times, he continues to light up my days and I thank the powers that be for giving Brian and I such an amazing gift!

Brian's parents visited us Saturday-Tuesday. It was fun to see Gamma Wendy finally meet the grandchild she's been dying for for years! We continue to be so grateful for the financial help they provided to make our little miracle baby possible!! All of their help over the last several days was also greatly appreciated, especially all of the cleaning! We look forward to seeing them again in June, but this time in Minnesota. Brian also went back to work, so today I'm flying solo for the first time. Brian has about 4 weeks of work left before his summer vacation starts, so I'm on my own until then. I can't wait until he's done!!! Taking care of a newborn suddenly feels like a lot more work without anyone to help me. Everyone says "rest when the baby rests." Easier said than done. If I rest when he rests, when will I find the time to eat all the extra calories and drink all the extra fluids I need to keep up with breastfeeding? I'm a little concerned about how quickly my pregnancy weight is coming off. I can already comfortably squeeze into some of my pre-pregnancy jeans (to be fair, they were kind of loose beforehand). While on one hand it makes me feel kind of relieved, on the other hand I worry that I'm not eating enough for the both of us. Sigh.

Gamma Wendy took some great pictures for us while she was here.

Family photo

Happy and content

After a nice long walk, it looked like he was smiling!