Answered Prayers

To be honest, I'm not an overly religious person. I would call myself more spiritual than anything. I believe there's something bigger out there that none of us can fully comprehend. It's not in my nature to say prayers, but believe me when I say I have been praying like crazy since Ed's heart attack. Well, today all of our prayers were finally answered. They were able to remove Ed's ventilator and lo and behold, he was more lucid than anyone had previously realized. He explained that over the last two days he's been trying to communicate with small gestures and eye movements, but no one was catching on. He was terribly frustrated. Poor guy! He's still coming off of heavy sedatives and a paralytic so he's pretty foggy about a lot of things, but as far as my mom and step-sister are concerned, he's the same old Ed we've always known and loved. I keep thinking I'm dreaming. I have to pinch myself to believe this is real! Just last night I was feeling despair and crying to myself after my mom explained that he was in a delirium and may not ever come fully around. The lack of any guarantees was starting to beat us all down. And today? Ed is back! There is still a long journey ahead including a quadruple bypass, but there just are not enough words to express how relieved and grateful we are that he has made it through everything so far. My deepest and most heartfelt thanks to all of you who have kept Ed in your thoughts and prayers. They're working!!!

A Better Day

FET:
Ultrasound and bloodwork looked good. We are moving forward with the FET. Yay! I'm starting to have moments of excitement about this cycle, but most of the time I feel pretty removed from it. I found out that my cousin had her baseline ultrasound today as well and they found a big old cyst which has canceled her cycle. I'm bummed for her because it means more waiting, and we all know how much the wait sucks. I was also looking forward to going through all of this together. Hopefully she'll get the green light soon enough!

Ed:
Today he started to wake up more. He responded to requests to stick out his tongue. This is a really good sign! He was also taken off of dialysis and whatever medication or device that has been helping his heart pump. There is still a long way to go, but things feel more positive than before.

Everything else:
The refrigerator repairman came out today. He fixed one thing, and ordered yet another part which won't be installed until Wednesday. You really have no idea how much you value your fridge and freezer until you no longer have them. And having all of your food spoil? Such a bummer! I just want it fixed so I can trust that my meds are properly refrigerated. Grr...

Because Things Are Rarely Easy!

Remember how the end of 2012 sucked? Well, unfortunately 2013 isn't starting out a whole lot better. Sometime in early February we woke up in the middle of the night to discover the house was freezing. We had to have a furnace repairman come out at 4:30am to fix the igniter. A week or two later Ed had his heart attack. On Wednesday night our fridge died. Our not quite five year old fridge. No repairman until tomorrow afternoon. Luckily it's been cold enough that I can safely "refrigerate" my lupron in the garage. Also on Wednesday night it snowed like crazy and Brian's car wasn't able to get him to work on Thursday. He got stuck on the side of the mountain on his way up to work and had a friend come get him. The next day he went off the road again and hit a fence, cracking his front bumper. He bought new tires, so hopefully problem solved. Do you ever just have one of those months? Jeez.

Tomorrow is day one of our cycle. I go in for an ultrasound in the morning to make sure everything checks out and then I get to start the estrogen patches. So many things have been going on that I've been pretty distracted from thinking about this transfer. If it weren't for my phone reminding me to take my meds each night, I really might not remember.

Ed remains stable in ICU. The doctor has said that he is the "sickest patient in ICU." That's not comforting. But, his lungs are recovering from the pneumonia and his oxygen levels are drastically improved. An MRI showed ample brain activity, but it doesn't guarantee brain function. They have started to lessen the sedative, and he opened his eyes yesterday, but so far only blank stares. My mom is told this is normal and not to worry, but I'm sure it's hard not to. Currently the right side of his heart is not functioning, and it may not without a device. Things are still very critical, so if you could please continue to keep him in your thoughts and prayers, we would all appreciate it. I had a dream last night that he was talking to me on the phone, so I hope this is a good sign!

Today we are having the biggest snowstorm of the season. I enjoy snowstorms when I know that I can just hunker down and stay at home all day. We did get out to shovel a little this morning, and Noah really enjoyed helping out with his sand scooper.

He also thought it was really funny when Brian started throwing snowballs at him.

Hope you all enjoyed your weekend!

Updates

Ed:
He's hanging in there. Kind of literally. They currently have him in a rotating bed. They are trying to keep him upside down on his stomach as much as possible to help his lungs out. It's been working well, but they had to get him back on his back because his stomach was collecting fluid. They have also discovered a hole in his heart which will have to be repaired as well. It is an agonizing rollercoaster ride of a process to say the least, but I feel like overall things are more positive than they had been when I last posted. Please keep praying for him. There aren't enough positive things to say about Ed, and I know if you could meet him you would say the same. He's loved by so many people.
My mom usually takes any chance she can get to come visit us (read: Noah). She was planning on coming out for this president's day weekend, but decided that for once she would wait until spring break instead. I keep thinking that if she had flown out Friday night, Ed would've been home alone. I have to believe she was home with him for a reason, and that in the end she will have saved his life.

FET #2:
Because I have faith that Ed will come back to us, I have chosen to proceed with our FET cycle. I started lupron last night, and I have to say it was the weirdest shot I've ever taken. When I pulled out the needle it immediately started bleeding like crazy. Once I got it to stop, I noticed that the lupron had collected in a big bubble under the skin just above the injection site. I had to rub it for about 10 minutes to get it to disperse a little, but even today I can still feel a small bump and man is it bruised. The three previous times I have taken lupron injections, this has never happened. There's always something new in this process, right?

Prayers Needed

I've had a few different posts brewing in my mind (and notes on my phone), but I've felt so busy. It's finally a quiet afternoon, Noah is napping, and Brian is grocery shopping. I have time to post, but it's not one I expected or wanted to write.

Friday night we were having dinner at a friend's house. My mom called my phone around 8:30. I thought it was kind of odd, and I ended up ignoring it thinking I'd call her back later. Then Brian's phone started ringing. At this point, I was worried. I called her right back. My stepdad Ed had had a heart attack at home, my mom administered CPR until paramedics arrived, and he was rushed to the hospital with a pulse but not breathing. Since then, it feels like the news has gone from bad to worse. He has now had 3 heart attacks, 2 since arriving at the hospital, and his oxygen levels suck partially due to pneumonia. When he had the initial heart attack he vomited and ended up aspirating his dinner into his lungs. They still don't know how to treat this. His body has been cooled to support/preserve neurological functioning but they are attempting to warm him this evening. He will need a quadruple bypass provided, and God willing, he wakes up and gets stronger. They are considering moving him to the hospital at the University of Minnesota but admit that the transport would be risky.

It's been hard being away for all of this. I constantly debate about whether or not I should immediately board a plane and support my mom and stepsister. I have no idea how long he's going to be in the hospital, and I certainly can't take much work off after all the days I've missed, and knowing that I will be missing more days soon. Our impending FET feels up in the air. I should start Lupron tomorrow, but I worry that if things get even worse, I might have to postpone.

My stepdad Ed is the best dad a kid could ask for. He would literally give a stranger the shirt off his back, no questions asked. When we were little and lived in a neighborhood filled with little kids, if he heard someone start crying outside he would rush out to see what was wrong. He is selfless, kind, and extremely thoughtful. He's 64 years young, and two years shy from retirement. He deserves to enjoy that retirement. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

Happy Birthday, Thurston Hue!

In the fall of 2008, my best friend and I were both in the swing of trying to conceive. Brian and I were already growing concerned that something was amiss, but my friend was just getting started. We were excited at the prospect of being pregnant together and having kids about the same age. That Thanksgiving we had talked about meeting up in Vegas for a long weekend, but nixed it because we figured it wouldn't be any fun if we couldn't drink. Oh how naive we were! Within a few months, Brian and I learned of our fertility challenges. After a few months more, my friend started to suspect issues of their own. Her husband took longer to bring around to the idea of testing of any kind, but eventually it was confirmed that they would need some reproductive assistance as well. Being pregnant while she still waited was hard for me. We didn't talk about my pregnancy much, and I never even saw her the whole time I was pregnant. I felt guilty for leaving her behind. I knew she wanted it so badly, and I too wanted it for her just as much.

Today, I am thrilled to report that my best friend has finally crossed over from infertile to Mommy! (13 days past her due date, poor thing, but all natural.) Welcome to the world, little Thurston! You are already so immensely loved!

Finally, Answers

Yesterday evening I was given the results of the blood panel that was done last week. With the information I was given, I am even more blown away that Noah is living and breathing, eating his Fruit Loops next to me this morning. :)

I'll explain all the issues in order from least concerning to most concerning.

1) My vitamin D level is borderline low. The normal range is from 30-100, and mine is 31.6. October through March is when people's lowest levels are observed due to less exposure to sunshine, so it's not much of a concern. Regardless, I was told to start a Vitamin D3 supplement.

2) I tested positive for thyroid antibodies. Essentially, my body is producing antibodies that slowly attack the thyroid. Because my thyroid levels tested in the normal range, I don't have to worry about this right now. However, I do have to have my TSH level monitored yearly from now on. I was told this was not a big deal.

3) I was diagnosed with MTHFR. In case you haven't heard of it, basically my body doesn't absorb folic acid the way it should. This puts our babies at higher risk for neural tube defects, so I will need to take a prescription prenatal vitamin with methylfolate. When I go in for my med review on the 11th, my clinic will give me a few free samples to try to determine which I like best. MTHFR has also been associated with possible clotting issues within the placenta. For this reason, some doctors will prescribe Lovenox, a blood thinner, to help reduce this risk. However, this is usually only recommended when it coincides with a history of recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL). And some doctors still don't believe this to be a definite issue due to a lack of extensive research at this point.

4) Now I come to the final issue, and most likely the true culprit of my miscarriage. I was diagnosed with Antithrombin Deficiency, also known at Antithrombin 3 Deficiency, or AT3. This is a fairly rare hereditary condition (1 in 2000-3000 people) that affects blood clotting. In the most basic layman's terms, my blood clots too easily. People with AT3 are at higher risk for developing deep vein thromboses (DVTs) and pulmonary embolism (PE). The worst part for me is that AT3 is also associated with a 1 in 6 (17%) pregnancy loss rate within the first trimester, and a 1 in 40 (2.3%) chance of stillbirth after the 1st trimester. This is best treated with Heparin, a blood thinner, throughout at least the first trimester, and possibly the entire pregnancy. This means that on the day of my trigger, I will begin two shots of Heparin a day.

All in all, I feel okay about all of this. It's nice to finally have something to point to to explain why we lost our daughter. I feel more confident moving forward knowing that we know how to treat the issue, and we can probably still trust in the quality of our embryos. The only hard part is knowing that it was my body that failed her. She was most likely perfect in every way. Some stupid clot  likely developed within the placenta which slowly cut off her oxygen and blood supply. This makes me really sad. And seriously, what horrible luck that a man with crappy sperm and a woman with crappy blood got together to try and make some babies! Thank God for science!