One Month!

Wow how time flies! How has it already been an entire month since Noah entered my life? It's amazing how much he's changed already! It's hard to see his growth from day to day, but looking back at pictures from his first week, you can totally tell how much bigger he is. When he's in his car seat or bouncer, his head and legs stretch out more and he takes up more space in general. So while he's gaining weight and length, the poor little guy is losing his hair. He has a bit of a mad scientist look going. He's pretty much bald on top with a nice thick spiky ring of hair around the sides. Noah is getting much more alert after feedings. We've found that he really enjoys sitting up in our arms facing outward. He loves to look out the window and stare up at our faces. He's also taken a real interest in the mobile above his crib. You can watch him track each animal as it spins above his head, which is so much fun for both of us. His head control seems to improve daily. During tummy time he can lift his head up and with repeated effort he can turn it to face the other direction. When he's on my chest being burped, he can really push himself away from me, but sometimes that gets him into trouble. He still has no control when it comes to laying his head back down so occasionally when I'm not super on the ball, he head bashes himself into my collar bone. It never seems to bother him, but I always feel bad when it happens. Night feeding is going okay. Most nights (knock on wood) he is easy to put back to sleep. But some nights he will stay up almost the entire time between feedings. Those nights always test my patience and usually leave me in tears by morning. He still feeds about every three hours. I can't wait for the day when I can get more than two hours of sleep at a time!!!!

I'm not going to sugar coat this. The first month has had its share of ups and downs. I love looking into his eyes, especially now that he focuses back on mine, and knowing that somehow I created this little miracle. The faint hints of a smile that he's been showing melt my heart (I can't wait for a real, clear smile!). But wow. Nothing and no one can possibly prepare you for how hard things can be. Sleep deprivation is brutal. A screaming baby that can't be soothed is draining. The tension of never knowing when he might suddenly get very upset is stressful. The demands of breastfeeding can be downright overwhelming. Trust me when I say I'm not complaining. I waited a long time to be this sleep deprived, drained, stressed out, and overwhelmed. I know how lucky I am to have a healthy biological child. But to be perfectly honest I can't say I've enjoyed every moment of it. I know it will get better, especially when he starts sleeping for longer intervals. Until then, I'll continue to treasure the fun moments and grin (or more realistically grimace) and bear it through the harder ones.