Three Months

It's hard to believe Noah is three months, and that I have only three weeks of maternity leave/summer vacation left. By the time I go back to work I will have had four months off. A third of the year seems like it should feel longer than it has. Boo.

I've already posted about a lot of the things Noah has been doing as of late. What I haven't really mentioned is how much this kid is cooing. He used to be all smiles during diaper changes and play time, but now he often makes these hysterical, and often very earnest faces and then oohs and aahs up a storm. And if he isn't cooing, then he's sucking on his little hands like a mad man. There have only been a couple more episodes of giggling, and none quite as convincing as the first. His new hobby of reaching for things continues, and he's often able to actually grab a hold of what interests him. But once he gets it in his hand, he usually drops it immediately.

My nursing woes continue, and are morphing into generalized anxiety. Yesterday Noah was really hard to make happy. He didn't seem interested in nursing, so I'd try to play with him. That would get old within 30 minutes and he'd start rubbing his eyes. So then I'd try giving him a nap. Forty-five minutes later he'd be awake again. Not too interested in eating, not too content to play. So nap again. And on and on. Then at night, he barely seemed to eat anything and was really fussing in his crib. I tried giving him a bottle, and he sucked it down in no time which made me so confused. Why, if he's hungry, is he not nursing well? His latch seems to be getting worse by the day, and I'm afraid with his decreased interest that my supply is going to deteriorate. As I said, anxiety over all of this is driving me insane. I almost want to try pumping exclusively, because it's so reassuring to me when I know how much milk he's actually drinking. I should probably just relax, but it's hard when he's acting less content by the day. (And having less and less really wet diapers.)

In other news, we interviewed the licensed day care provider last night. What a nightmare. I mentioned that Noah has a hard time sleeping if he's not swaddled, and would she be willing to use the wrap that we use. We got a 10 minute lecture on why swaddling is awful, and how he'll never develop core strength, roll over, sit up, or walk if we continue to swaddle him. And story after story of swaddled kids who went through Child Find because they needed motor therapy as a result. Riiight. She also said she has no real routine and just does whatever the kids want to do. I picture pure chaos all day long. Plus she just looked a little nutty (okay, a lot nutty). The good news is that the whole experience made me feel a lot better about the woman we already met with. Even though she has a lot of young ones, she seems genuinely caring and personable, and was able to far better explain what Noah's day would look like. I'll keep looking, because I don't want to feel like I'm settling (and yes, this whole situation is also causing me a ton of anxiety). But now I know that being licensed doesn't necessarily translate to being any good. (Or sane.)