IVF #2 Postponed Indefinitely

Throughout this journey, it has often felt as though things rarely go according to plan. Once again, that is where I find myself. I never had my IVF consult this month. I didn't make a day three appointment for bloodwork and ultrasound. Instead, after my period was 11-12 days late, I broke down and took a HPT Saturday and found one very dark test line and one light control line. On Monday I had a beta drawn with my OB. I'm guessing I was about 1-2 days past 5 weeks. The result was 1959, which is right in the normal range. Since that day, all "symptoms" have basically vanished. I had been having nauseated feelings for about a week before (but never ever suspected this could be the reason) which are now gone, and my chest started to get sore Saturday but has since faded to almost nothing unless I really squish around. It leaves me believing that this pregnancy is headed in the wrong direction, again, which terrifies me. I'm supposed to make an appointment for 8 weeks with my OB, but so far I haven't had the courage. I don't want to have to make the phone call canceling it again. I've written several different posts trying to get this out, but each time I've been too chicken to hit publish for fear of jinxing this whole thing. And now I probably just did.

Please, please hold on little baby. I've never wanted anything more.