That's the biggest question floating around in my mind. The blood draw today will be just a formality. My period started up last night and is in full, painful force. I am not heartbroken and I don't need sympathy. Strangely, I felt extremely detached from this whole "pregnancy." I was afraid that this couldn't possibly turn out to be a chromosomally normal being, and I was obviously right. I have this vision of our frozen embryos all being little, perfect Noahs. Any other baby couldn't possibly be as perfect. It's a weird feeling, and I'm sure that's probably a hard one to identify with. I'm sorry if it offends anyone.
The only thing I'm upset about is the possibility of this delaying our FET. I called the IVF nurse this morning and she said she will need to consult our doctor before giving me an answer. They also need to get the results of my blood draws to confirm that my HCG is dropping before they will let me start BCP. My doctor is in surgery so he won't get back to me until this afternoon. I am going to get my blood drawn around noon (I'm supposed to wait until 2:00 so that it's 48 hours after the first, but what's the point now, right?) and beg for them to rush the results. Seriously, why did this happen? After 4 years of ttc, the universe thought NOW was a good time to play this trick on me? The only silver lining I see is that now we know that Brian will be getting a vasectomy in the future. And I'm not sure that's all that silver of a lining for him. :)
Onward.
Update:
I had the second draw, then called to see if they could rush it at the lab tech's suggestion. The nurse gave me some big, long spiel about all the possibilities of what is going on and that I'll probably need to see a doctor because I'm 5 weeks pregnant as of today. Um, no I am not. I am not pregnant at all. I am not hemorrhaging, I am not ectopic with a ruptured fallopian tube. I am losing a chemical pregnancy. She told me my first beta was 8. Come on lady, who are we fooling?! Her reply, "Well, this could just be a very early pregnancy. It's hard to say it's chemical until we see the next result." I'm sorry, did I miss something during this conversation? I did tell you how much I'm bleeding, right? And you just said I'm 5 weeks along. Obviously something DOES NOT COMPUTE!!! Stupid. And she doubts they can rush the order because it was ordered routine. Argh. I'm feeling less and less confident that we'll get to move on as planned.
In other news, wow FRER is sensitive! If my beta was 8 on Tuesday, it's amazing that any line whatsoever showed up yesterday, let alone Tuesday! Crazy.
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The universe is a sneaky little witch sometimes. Hoping you get answers soon. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteGood grief. Well, considering how you are feeling about it, it seems like this is the best outcome for you for now, all things considered. I hope your FET isn't delayed as a result. And sorry for Brian (KB is no more psyched about his snip-snip future, either). :)
ReplyDeleteWow, FRER really is sensitive! And those were not light lines either.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry all this is happening. I hope your FET doesn't get delayed.
Seriously. It sucks that you have to deal with this right now. I'm really hoping your FET can go as planned! xoxo
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, Lisa. I can feel your frustration in your writing. I wish you and Brian only the best in the weeks/months to come :).
ReplyDeleteI had a chemical pregnancy with our last IUI. Your HCG drops as you start loosing the pregnancy, and "8" might just be a drop from the (higher) number that was detected on the FRER earlier. Also... when we had the chemical pregnancy, my RE had mentioned that we could quickly move to IVF (which we did), since it was so early on (5 weeks)... and there were no other complications (ectopic etc).
ReplyDeleteSorry, all this is happening! Keeping you all in my thoughts! {HUGS}