Devastated

This is going to be brief, and I'm not sure that I'll come back to this space for a while. Yesterday Brian and I met with the high risk perinatologist. She performed the ultrasound and delivered the grim news. We won't know specifics until after the baby is born, but her guess is that sometime since our 20 week anatomy scan, our baby suffered a serious brain bleed. It appears to have significantly impacted his/her brain development, and there is a very large amount of extra fluid present in all areas. Baby's body is also measuring small, although at this time we're not sure if we are just having a small baby, or if it is indicative of possible genetic abnormalities. I will undergo a c-section on Monday, August 18th to accommodate the size of the baby's head, which is part of the reason baby has had a difficult time staying head down. We will hopefully learn much more after the baby is born, but the prognosis is very poor. Most likely we are looking at a severely impaired baby in all areas of development, and it is also quite possible that baby will not be able to survive outside of the womb. 

Brian and I are obviously completely heartbroken and devastated. We are having a very difficult time helping Noah to understand what is happening. (Let alone ourselves.) That has honestly been the most difficult part for me. I feel tremendous guilt for excitedly preparing him to become a big brother, only to yank all of it away from him at the very end. He truly is the light in our life right now, and I have never been so thankful to have him.

Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers as we navigate this difficult path. I hope to come back to this space after I have had more time to process everything that has happened.