A New Year, A New Outlook

We had a full week of Christmas festivities with family. Brian's parents came into town on the 22nd, and then it was back-to-back visits with my mom and step-dad, and then my dad, until the 1st. Most of our holidays were really enjoyable. I wasn't even feeling sad about not being pregnant until I got a one-two punch from FaceBook on Christmas day. A friend of mine who I knew was trying announced her pregnancy with a cute picture of her son feeding a new baby doll. It especially stung because when I found out we were pregnant I knew immediately that I wanted to get Noah a baby doll for Christmas. Then about an hour later another friend posted a picture of a cake with pink frosting on the inside to let everyone know they were having another girl. I tried not to let it all get to me, but it did ruin my Christmas day just a little.

Fast forward to this week. Maybe it's because I haven't been to work since December 19th, but I am suddenly feeling pretty content. Part of it may also be the new year. When the ball dropped in New York and 2013 flashed on the screen, I actually felt a weight lift off of my chest. It caught me a little off guard and took my breath away for a moment. I know in reality it's just another day like any other. But there is something symbolic about moving on to another year. Yesterday morning I watched the Today show for a little bit and they had a small segment about how to find happiness in your life. I've seen the same message all over the place lately: Don't focus on what you don't have. Be grateful for what you do. So this is my new outlook that I'm going to try to focus on. I don't want my two upcoming due dates to be days that I dread. I should celebrate them instead. I know there will be hard and sad moments ahead, and I'll let myself feel that way when I need to. But there is no good done in moping around and feeling envy and bitterness all the time. And what kind of mommy will that make me anyway? Noah deserves better!

I am also relieved. I went in for my sonohysterogram yesterday with a little bit of anxiety. After all of those crazy bleeding episodes I was worried that things may not look okay. While I watched on the screen, I thought I saw things that shouldn't be there and my heart rate and blood pressure started to rise. But, once again a doctor complimented my "perfect" uterus and assured me that all was well in that department. We drew some blood* to check thyroid and vitamin D and maybe something else too. I hope to find out soon when we can actually cycle. If not in February, then fingers crossed for March!

*An interesting side note. The lady who drew my blood asked how I do with needles. I laughed and told her that while I was a total fainting wimp in the past, one IVF and two FET cycles have cured all of my needle phobias. She asked where I had done all of my cycles, and when I told her she said, "Oh! I just left there. I worked with Dr. V but she left so I did, too." I decided to pry and asked if she knew why Dr. V quit. After all, she wasn't there long at all. She hemmed and hawed, so I saved her and asked, "Just not a good fit?" And she said that was a good way to put it. I'm feeling very happy that we left, too.