I Like Having A Plan

A little over a month ago, in this very space, I said that I was done blogging about my infertility. In that time, I have done some reflecting on that. What I walked away with is this. Over the last year my focus shifted from happy updates about Noah to the doom and gloom of miscarriages and failed FETs. That happened because that was my reality. However, I got way too sucked into reading about other people's trials and tribulations, and that continued to bring me down further. The break from all of that has been good, but by cutting off the support of all of my wonderful friends out there, I was starting to internalize too much of this part of my life. I still need this outlet, I just need to use it in a healthier way. My goal is to continue to share my IF story, but try to remain focused on all of the wonderful blessings that I already have and make time to share those, too. It's hard sometimes, so if I start to lose that balance, please set me straight!

So yes, with that, here's a quick update before I join my husband on the couch for some quality "us" time. We switched back to our old clinic (call me crazy, it's ok) and got ourselves a different doctor there. He did my hysteroscopy back in May 2012 and seemed like a very friendly and knowledgeable man. I should have trusted my instincts way back then and switched to him right then and there, but alas, I did not. It's a big regret of mine, but what can you do? Anyway, we had a consult with him near the end of August and made a plan for moving forward. The first step was clearing my mammogram. In early August I found a scary lump (I have fibrocystic breasts so there are always lumps, but I didn't recognize this one), but luckily both an ultrasound and mammogram showed only normal breast tissue. So with the start of my period this weekend, I was able to get my day 3 bloodwork done today and schedule a slew of appointments including an updated pap, trial transfer, doppler ultrasound, and hysteroscopy. The last one is very important to me. After my miscarriage in November I had such crazy bleeding and since then I haven't felt convinced that everything is as it should be in there. Dr. A, whom I still love dearly, never seemed to take this concern very seriously and I grew frustrated by that. I was also fed up with their slow turn over between cycles, and just general disorganization. I'll always hold a big spot for Dr. A in my heart, but I have to trust statistics and history, so new (old) clinic it is. My new doctor has a number of other things he wants to check into throughout this month, including my clotting disorder. According to him, if I really have it, it's a very serious one and the fact that Noah is here is a total miracle. That makes me a little nervous, but I feel like I'm in very competent hands. I will start the pill tomorrow in hopes that we can pull everything we need together for a late October transfer. If not, we'll wait til November or December. It feels so, so, SO good to have a plan again, and it feels good to share it.