Oh God, I Love Him

My love for Noah hits me in waves. When I'm holding him and he's starting to get sleepy, he turns his head towards my body and rubs his eyes against me. He clings to me with one hand and holds tight. At these moments, I often find myself realizing all over again that he is mine. I am his mommy and he is my son. He wants me when he's tired or cranky. I don't have to put him down or give him away to someone else. I am the comfort he is looking for. I get to be the one to wake up with him in the morning and kiss him good night. I get to feed him when he's hungry and hold him whenever I want. I used to feel so envious when I looked at mom's holding their babies. I wanted a little one who wanted me. It's such an awesome feeling. I try not to take it for granted.

It makes me sick to think that some people don't have these feelings for their children. There was a woman here in Denver who was arrested for child abuse a while back, and the story makes me want to vomit. Her boyfriend gave her two year old son a bath in scalding hot water. She picked her boyfriend and son up, along with her other child, to run some errands and grab some fast food. The whole time her son was dying in the backseat with third degree burns all over his body. When they finally decided to bring him to the hospital, his skin was falling off his body. The poor little boy died. His mother knew he was badly burned, but somehow McDonald's and Walmart were more important? Some people have no idea what a gift fertility is, and how precious their children are. They don't deserve it. They have no idea how much heartache some people have to endure to have their own children. It's not fair.