First of all, thank you to those of you who took the time to offer support on my last post. It meant a lot to me. I don't think I really realized what a mess I was about trying to conceive our second. I could have sworn I felt calm and zen while I was going through the cycle, but I think deep down I must have been a wreck all along.
Today I went in for a follow up appointment regarding my heart arrhythmias. I almost felt silly going because I was feeling a lot better yesterday and only noticed about 3-5 skipped beats all day. That's compared to the 50 or so I was noticing per day prior. I think coming to the realization that this is most likely related to my anxiety level helped me to calm down. That and a really good cry on Saturday night. Sometimes that's the best medicine.
Anyway, I didn't get to see my regular doctor because she is off this whole week. Instead I saw the same doctor who checked my moles (er, barnacles) and saw Noah for his swollen boy bits. After this visit, I am seriously considering switching to him as my PCP. He was amazing. We started off with an EKG. That looked fine, so he asked me to tell him about everything going on in my life just prior to and during the period of time that my heart has been acting weird. I really wanted to keep it together because I hate crying in front of strangers, but he made it so hard with how well he seemed to just get everything. I think he alluded to the fact that either he or someone very close to him has been through infertility. He spoke about how it's such a hard process, and that the worst part is the never ending waiting. Waiting for tests, waiting for medications, waiting for transfers, waiting for results. Waiting, waiting, waiting. I just nodded, afraid to speak because I knew I wouldn't be able to. And then he said this, "And I'm sure you're at the age where your friends are getting pregnant and you're still just waiting." That is when I broke down, because it hit way too close to home. The hardest part of this is that I really thought that getting pregnant was going to be easy this time, and of course it isn't. And now many of my friends are trying to conceive again, and they are succeeding. I am happy for them, of course, but it's definitely been hard. So his final advice was to distract myself as much as possible and consider counseling through our fertility clinic. With our IVF in 2009, they offered one free counseling session with someone who contracts through them. We weren't offered that with our FET package, but I think I will look into it. God knows I could use it!
As for our FET redo, I am now back on the pill and waiting for my ultrasound on Wednesday morning. I'll be sure to update on how that goes. And thanks again ladies! I am so grateful to have found you all! I really don't know what I would do without the support!
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I have definitely broken down crying in front of my doctors on several occasions. A couple of them were when I was going through that anxiety I was telling you about 4.5 years ago, and another time was in front of my OB when I was pregnant the first time and just so incredibly sleep deprived and stressed about work. He literally walked in and said "How's it going?" and I dissolved into tears. lol
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm glad your doctor was supportive, and that you had a good cry. Sometimes that really really helps. Actually, a lot of the time that really helps.
<3
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