After a couple weeks away from blogging, I'm finally back. I've made some decisions about this space that might cause me to lose some readers, but it's a change that needs to be made. Infertility sucks. It takes a toll on pretty much every aspect of a person's life, and it definitely has taken a toll on me. My marriage, parenting, and friendships have all seriously suffered from everything Brian and I have gone through in the last year. I think it's safe to say that I have been seriously depressed for at least 8 months. While I was away, I realized that I am way too immersed in this. I spend a ridiculous amount of my free time reading blogs about infertility, and it mostly just makes me feel miserable. Other people's struggles make me sad for them, and other people's successes make me sad for me. I'm pretty sure there's a saying that if something isn't serving you, you should get rid of it. So, over the last couple of weeks I stopped reading blogs. And you know what? It helped a lot. My intention is not to stop reading all blogs. However, my focus needs to change. I have to stop living for the what-might-be-someday and start focusing on all the great things I already have. And what I do have is an amazing 3 year old son and a wonderful husband of almost 9 years. This needs to be my focus right now. So from now on, this space will mostly be a parenting/family blog. If some of you want nothing to do with that, I get it. Because infertility is still an unfortunate part of life that I have to deal with, I'm sure it will come up from time to time. We will be cycling again later this year, but I doubt I'll blog much about it. In case you're interested, we have decided to switch clinics again. It's just one painful decision in a long list of many, but with only 2-3 more shots at FET, we need to go with the clinic with a better track record.
And in case you're wondering, if I've been reading your blog for a while and actually "follow" you, I intend to keep following, just not as religiously. (I seriously kept two Safari browsers open on my phone for both my blogger dashboard and infertility blogs that I read frequently. Those have now been closed, with only one browser open to the news.) But the days of joining CycleSista and clicking onto new blogs is over. It feels good!
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I can't wait to follow your parenting/family blog! And please, take as long of a break as you need from reading. I totally get it. Wishing you tons of luck on your FET cycle and I think moving to the other clinic makes sense. Hope you never have to deal with Dr B again though.
ReplyDeleteYou are very smart to realize when something that used to help you is now doing the opposite. We should all be so self aware!
ReplyDeleteI hear ya! Sometimes, it's a little too much which is why I write about whatever I want to. After all, it is your blog. :) xxx
ReplyDeleteTotally understand and respect your decision to do that. There is definitely something to be said about taking a few steps back from the whole immersion of it all. I find I sleep like crap if I've visited IF forums just before bed or have spent a lot of time during the day on there...which I think says a lot. It just makes it swirl around it your brain even more than it already is, and then you're sitting there comparing your RE or your meds or your outcome to everyone else's too. It can be maddening, and you are doing the right thing by focusing on the blessing you do have more! Good for you! Happier days are ahead. :)
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