Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Wednesday was the day of my hysteroscopy, doppler ultrasound, and trial embryo transfer. The TET went well as usual, and then it was time for the doppler. As the sonographer turned on the sound, I was caught off guard at the sound of my own blood whoosh whooshing over the speaker. Tears welled up in my eyes as I realized that the last time I was in that room, there was no sound. Because there was no heartbeat. I started crying hard enough to shake, and when I asked for a tissue the poor sonographer couldn't quite reach the box and she had to ask me to hold the probe while she retrieved them. Awesome. It didn't help that it was exactly a year from the day that I got pregnant with that baby. This is the kind of thing that people don't understand about infertility. There are so many extremely painful moments in this process that no one should have to experience. It's not just the difficulty of getting pregnant, it's all of the sad anniversaries and reminders that constantly tear at your heart. So then I had the hysteroscopy which I was really nervous about. I just couldn't believe that things were okay in there. But they were, so that's a big sigh of relief.

Everything was going well. I was starting to feel positive and hopeful again. Dr. S called me in to discuss all of the tests and to review the records he got from Dr. A. That's when the appointment got interesting. Good news first. I don't actually have any clotting issues. My antithrombin level is indeed "abnormal," but it's high, not low. Which means I do not have antithrombin deficiency. If anything, it could mean that I have a "bleeding tendency," but most research says that a slightly elevated antithrombin level has no clinical significance. I don't understand how Dr. A read this incorrectly. There are two columns on the lab report, one for "deficient result" and one for "abnormal result" and my reading of 122(H) was under the "abnormal" column. Whatever. I will still take Heparin, but mostly only because it can't hurt and might help. But if I do get pregnant again, I can stop the Heparin by 12 weeks without worry. Phew.

Now the bad news. Despite 4 Rhogam shots in the past, I am producing antibodies against Rh+ blood. Dr. A made this sound like not that big of a deal, but I guess it really is. Like, a maybe-we-shouldn't-try-again big deal. Now, from what I understand, the level of antibodies in my system is pretty low which is good. However, high levels can cause serious complications. These antibodies will attack the red blood cells in a fetus causing anemia. If bad enough, they attempt a blood transfusion through the umbilical cord. But this would all be very high risk and I would need to be followed by a maternal fetal medicine specialist. So what does this all mean? I need to have my blood retested to check the level. From there, we decide whether or not to proceed, and if necessary get me in to see an MFM immediately. I have an appointment with an OB tomorrow to get a pap done, and I plan to discuss all of this with her and ask for them to order all of my blood tests. Since this is a medical problem and not a fertility problem, I am going to demand that they handle this. I am NOT paying out of pocket to my fertility clinic for these expensive blood tests! I know that my levels are low and that things still have a very good chance at working out. I just hate that there's something new to worry about. Why is it that things can never just be simple? Oh how I envy the fertile.