Here I sit, just 2 days in, and I already feel like a crazy person. The night of the transfer I felt some dull cramps and was happy for that, but then all day yesterday there wasn't a hint of anything. I was feeling discouraged and already convinced that this cycle was a bust. I know, 1dp5dt is a little early to lose all hope. I went to bed last night chanting Dr. A's mantra in my head, along with a second mantra that I came up with, "I intend to make Noah a brother." Then my mind started wandering to all the dark places. What if this cycle doesn't work? What if the next cycle doesn't work? What if we get to a point where we're back to another IVF cycle? Could I keep going that long? What if Noah is the only child I'll ever call mine? Yikes.
Today I woke up with a dull headache. I had the warm, sweaty feeling I get just before I get my period. I've had some cramps here and there. I am gassy and bloated. Sometimes when I stand up quickly I have sharp pulling sensations in my abdomen. Do these things mean anything? Probably not. But I'm glad to feel something so I can try to quiet my uneasy mind.
Brian's mom Wendy left about 30 minutes ago. It makes me sad when family visits end. I always look forward to them so much and then they're over in the blink of an eye. I was especially grateful for her help this time because poor Noah came down with a really yucky cold the day of our transfer. She woke up with him in the middle of the night to hold him when he was coughing so that I wouldn't have to. She did all of the cooking and cleaning, diaper changes, laundry, etc. over the last 4 days and truly let me just relax. It's too bad that all she got in return was a sick grandson who was clingy to his mommy.
Tomorrow I go back to work, and I think that's a good thing. I just need to stay distracted and remind myself that no matter what, I still have Noah. And for that I'll always be grateful.
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You are right about two things.
ReplyDelete- You will always have our precious Noah.
- You are a crazy person. (And I would be, too.) Sounds normal to me.
Here's to a fast two week wait. For us, too, as Ed tries to get strong enough for surgery. Hope it speeds by for all of us!
Hang in there, Sweetie.
I wish I had some magic words to help you through the crazy period, but I can't imagine any way to not be crazy right now. A torturous two-week wait on so many levels (thinking of you, too, Cheri and Ed.)
ReplyDeleteIt was a joy being part of this process with you and spending time with my little buddy, even if he was a bit crabby - Grandma still loves to be with him! Praying for positive blood tests!
The wait is cruel. I think it's a very good thing you're headed back to work, something else to focus on will hopefully help. I had all kind of twinges, pains, and PMS feelings in both my failed and successful FET cycles so I have no idea if they mean anything. So awesome that you had Wendy's help over this time and got some good relaxing in!
ReplyDeleteI hope you had a weekend full of good omens. Hang in there. Thinking of you.....Aimee
ReplyDeleteWow, my mother in law drives me CRAZY! I can't imagine ever being sad that she left my house... lol
ReplyDeleteI know, I'm really lucky in this department!
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